Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I Feel Like I'm Dating My Surrogate



Who would have thought that despite being happily married, I would be dating again?  That’s what this whole finding/meeting a surrogate feels like.   It started out much like online dating.  Surromomsonline and allaboutsurrogacy   are just like Match.com minus the pics.  There is another site, findsurrogatemother.com that is even more like Match because it does have pictures as well as a place to describe yourself and why you’re looking for a surrogate/intended parent.   After perusing through the prospective matches, you send an email and hope that you get a response.   Surrogates send you emails too.  Like Match.com, you are often emailing with more then one person at a time.  In fact, I got such a good response to my blog/video that I was initially overwhelmed with a few potentially good matches.  That is, until my surro wrote me back and told me she was interested.  

When I first started corresponding with my surro it felt really reminiscent of when I first met Jason.  I found myself getting excited when I would receive an email or text from her.  I would carefully craft my responses, hoping to make a good impression.  I so wanted her to like me and didn’t want to say anything that might turn her off.  And just like when I first met my husband, with each contact I began to like her more and more.  In the beginning, our texts were much more business-like and surrogacy-related but as we got to know each other better we began texting about our interests and our lives.  After a long texting or facebook instant messaging session I would find myself on a high.  I also noticed that my mood would be affected when we weren’t in contact. Over the weekend we would often go a couple days without being in touch and I noticed that I was a little off but wasn’t sure why. Then on Monday I would get a “How was your weekend?” text and it would put me in a great mood. 

And now, I’m about to go on my first real date with my surro!  She “asked me out”on Sunday, inviting me to go for dinner/drinks with her sisters-in-law.  I was thrilled to be invited and of course, said yes.  But now I ‘m getting first date jitters!!!!  What if things aren’t as great in person as they are over text/email/FB? What if her family doesn’t like me?  Worse, what if she doesn’t like me?  I’ll be the odd man out since they all know each other so well- will I fit in? Whatever should I wear???? 

I can’t tell you how much it means to me that she has invited me to meet her family.  When we first started this process, I didn’t want to find just anyone to carry our child. I had hopes that I could find someone that I would really get along with- someone who I would remain friends with beyond the pregnancy.  I never imagined I would find someone who I liked this much.  And I am honored that she likes me enough to want to introduce me to the important people in her life.   I really hope that I make a good impression. 

I know I’m being silly and am sure it will all be fine.  Since it’s a girls night, I won't have Jason to rely on for a safety net.   However, I know that we have already started to build a strong connection over text/email. I can’t tell you how many times she texts exactly what I am thinking!  I’m sure that will translate IRL  (that means In Real Life- I learned that from my surro! )

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