Normally after a trip like that, there is a sense of sadness that comes from getting back to reality. And yet for us, we were excited because we had our 20 week ultrasound the following week. We hadn't gotten a peek at Baby O since our 13 week ultrasound so we were really excited to see him. We did get a chance to hear his heartbeat at week 16 but almost had a heart attack of our own in the process. Since the appointment was really just for bloodwork, we didn't attend in person but did have her Facetime us in when it was time to listen to the heartbeat. Unlike previous appointments when the ultrasound tech is able to visualize the heart on the screen, this time the doctor was using a doppler on Ellen's abdomen to locate the heartbeat. We made our introductions on the iphone screen and excitedly waited to hear that magical sound. And waited. And waited. We started out all smiles, but after about a minute (which felt like hours) our smiles quickly faded. Why is it taking so long? Please tell me it's still there. Wait- did I just hear it, but now its gone? Please tell me its not an intermittent heartbeat again. We asked the doctor if it was normal to have trouble finding it and she assured us that it was- the fetus is still tiny at this point and it's hard to locate without the benefit of visual help. Finally after what felt like eons- we heard that beautiful thump, thump thumping. I felt an enormous sense of relief. Jason? Well, these pictures will give you an idea of how Jason felt.
This, my friends, is what PTSD looks like. Jason texted me hours after our the appointment and said "I'm not gonna lie. I'm still rattled from this morning". That's what four plus years of disappointment does to a person. Even though we ultimately got good news, those long moments of waiting-of not knowing what was going on- of thinking the worst because that's what we've grown so accustomed to-- are hard to shake.
|Bottoms up picture- proof that he's a boy!|
As I said, for the most part the appointment went well. We were all smiles when we met with the doctor (who we are pretty sure just finished her residency in 2012). She told us everything looks great with Baby O. He is measuring on time and appears to be developing appropriately. She ended by telling us there was a small concern- Ellen apparently has placenta previa. No big deal she told us. It just means her placenta in blocking the cervix. 90% of the time the placenta moves, she assured us. If not, Ellen will just need a C-section. No big deal, she said.
This is the four of us after the appointment. We were smiling then, but that was before Dr. Google and FB informed us that placenta previa may not be as innocuous as that Doogie Howser doctor led us to believe. More about that in a future post....until then, we are excited that we are half-way there, but as the song goes...we're still Livin' on a Prayer.